An Open Letter To My Dear Young Friend SahilLessons Before Your Marriage

✒️:. Syed Majid Gilani

My Dear Sahil,

I have lived through forty-nine autumns. The grey in my hair is not from the sun, but from life’s lessons, challenges, and reflections. Every grey hair carries a story of patience and endurance. Along the way, I have met all kinds of people — kind and cruel, honest and deceitful. Many show one face in public but behave differently in private. Remember, appearances can often be misleading.

Now, you are about to enter marriage. I am not here to preach but to share what life has taught me. Marriage is not a small step. It is more than the union of two people; it brings together two families, their values, and their honour. So, be careful before you give your heart and your future to someone.

Start by observing the girl herself. Is she patient, kind, and respectful? Notice how she treats elders, how she speaks, and how she cares for her family. Sahil, please do not rush into engagement or marriage. Take your time to breathe and decide. Find out if she truly wants to spend her life with you freely, or if she feels pressured or forced. If you feel any doubt about her sincerity, talk to her openly. If her heart is not with you, it is better to step away early, even if it hurts now, than to live a life of unhappiness.

Also, look closely at her family, especially her mother. How does her mother treat her own husband and in-laws? Does she maintain family ties or avoid them? A girl often learns from her home, particularly her mother, and her habits usually reflect what she has observed.

At times, certain individuals may prioritize their own family while not participating fully in their spouse’s family responsibilities. This can reflect a lack of respect and balance in the home. Be aware of such attitudes, as they can affect the harmony of your future household.
I have seen many sad stories. Men work hard to build a home only to find their spouse more interested in property than love. I have seen cases where misunderstandings or disputes escalated to legal proceedings, even when no wrongdoing was involved. Loving husbands have been hurt by those who did not appreciate their loyalty.

In some relationships, husbands may feel treated more like providers than partners, where their feelings are often overlooked. In such homes, the husband becomes a silent sufferer.

Sahil, make sure the girl has no harmful habits or addictions. Unfortunately, substance abuse is not uncommon these days. This is not about suspicion but about protecting your future and your peace.

Remember, never give more than you get, and never live in a relationship where love is one-sided. No amount of patience or sacrifice can create love or respect if the heart is ruled by pride or hatred. Protect your dignity and peace. Love must be mutual, and loyalty must be earned. If these are missing, walk away with grace. It is better to face a moment of pain than a lifetime of sorrow.

Marriage based on honesty, trust, and care can be one of life’s greatest blessings. However, if built on lies or greed, it can slowly destroy a man’s life. I have seen good men lose their peace because their love was never valued — husbands who give their hearts and resources but are treated only as providers, not partners.

A man who sets boundaries and expects respect often finds peace and loyalty. But if you tolerate too much, you lose your value. You become just a resource; your words are Ignored, and your kindness can sometimes be misunderstood. Even the greatest care and attention, if not reciprocated, can be undervalued.

Never let anyone rule your life with fear or humiliation. Love and loyalty cannot be forced; they come freely. Those who truly care will stand by you without being asked. Live by values you believe in. Protect your peace, and give love only where it is returned. Never beg for love, care, or respect.

In real life, it is very rare for someone to win the heart of a spouse who does not love them. It was only in a feature film, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, where the hero succeeds in sowing love in the heart of his wife (heroine), who initially does not love him. Practically, such situations are nearly impossible in real life. This is why it is so important to ensure love, respect, and mutual understanding are present from the start.

Finally, Sahil, be sure that the girl wants to marry you of her own free will. I have known men whose spouses were married against their wishes, and that resentment destroyed their homes. Marriage without choice can turn bitter and cruel.

Step into this new chapter with open eyes and a calm heart. Watch carefully and act wisely. When you find a woman of true character, honour, and gentle nature, only then build a home based on respect and truth. When you protect your dignity and value your self-respect, your love will be safe, and your home will be a place of peace.

With all my care, respect, and prayers for your journey

Syed Majid Gilani is a government officer by profession and a writer/storyteller by passion. He writes and weaves stories on family values, moral challenges, and real-life experiences. He can be reached at syedmajid6676@gmail.com.