✒️: Karamat Paul
All children are born into a world shaped by expectations, even before they learn to speak. Parents, guided by love and hope, imagine a future that is safe, successful, and respectable for their child. Obedience becomes the first lesson. It is taught through words, actions, rules, and unspoken signals. Too often, obedience is mistaken for understanding.
As children grow, they learn to comply. They nod when they do not understand. They agree when they feel unsure. They smile even when they feel weighed down. Society praises this behavior. It is called discipline, etiquette, or good upbringing. At the same time, another struggle begins. It is the struggle to discover who they are despite constant expectations.
Identity does not grow loudly. It grows in silence, in private thoughts, and in questions left unasked. A child wonders what they want, what they believe, and who they are becoming. These questions often remain unanswered, not due to fear, but due to lack of space to ask them. When obedience exists without dialogue, silence becomes part of identity.
Parents rarely intend harm. Their lessons come from love, fear, and personal experience. They try to protect their children from pain and mistakes. Yet protection turns restrictive when it becomes control. A child who never makes choices cannot learn how to stand on their own.
This struggle deepens when gratitude becomes a limit. Children are reminded of sacrifices like education, shelter, and care. These sacrifices matter and deserve respect. Still, gratitude should not erase individuality. Love should not demand silence in return.
Many children live two lives. One life pleases their parents. The other lives quietly in imagination. They appear obedient outside and conflicted inside. This often leads to self doubt, fear of expression, and constant need for approval.
The line between obedience and identity is thin. Obedience teaches respect and responsibility. Identity builds purpose, confidence, and authenticity. Upbringing should not silence questions. It should allow questions while offering support.
Silence ends when conversation begins. Parents listen without rushing to correct. Children speak without fear of being misunderstood. Understanding strengthens authority and deepens trust.
Between obedience and identity stands empathy. Crossing this bridge requires effort from both sides. Only then can a child grow fully, not shaped by expectation, but formed as a complete human being.
Parents teach obedience so well that they forget children were never born to follow instructions. They were born to become identities.
Molu Danger Pora
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