Grey Hair, Grey Beard: A Witness to My Struggles

Amidst the bustling streets of downtown Srinagar, a city cradled by snow-capped mountains and mirrored in serene lakes, my life’s journey began. I was born in the historic area of Khanqah Moulla, a place named after the revered Khanqah Moulla Shrine, located in the heart of downtown Srinagar. This spiritual and cultural epicenter, with its narrow alleys, bustling bazaars, and vibrant energy, shaped the foundation of my identity. The streets and sounds of this old city became the backdrop of my early life, filling me with a deep sense of belonging and a connection to the rich heritage that runs through the veins of my family.

Growing up in Srinagar, I was surrounded by beauty, both natural and cultural. The towering hills, the sparkling Dal Lake, and the lush gardens of Mughal architecture created a serene backdrop, while the mighty Jehlum River flowed nearby, adding to the natural beauty of our surroundings. Yet, it was the values instilled by my family that truly shaped my character. My parents, and especially my grandparents, infused in me a deep sense of faith, which has sustained me through life’s trials. These values became the compass that guided me through many storms.
When I was a child, still in my upper KG classes, my family moved to Gilan House in Botshah Colony, Lalbazar, a posh neighbourhood in the upper downtown, about eight kilometers from the city centre. At that time, the area was a picturesque haven, with apple orchards and pomegranate trees in abundance, their vibrant fruits blending seamlessly with the lush greenery. This house, lovingly built by my grandfather, became the heart and soul of our family. It is more than just a home; it is a legacy, a living testament to our roots, holding the echoes of our ancestors and carrying the hopes I now hold for my own children. The walls of Gilan House are steeped in memories of laughter, prayers, and cherished stories, each moment a thread in the rich tapestry of unity and heritage that my grandfather, Syed Abdul Rashid Gilani, so lovingly wove for us.
Amid the love and support of my family, I was a shy and average student. Yet, their unwavering belief in me gave me the strength to push beyond my limitations. My early years in school were not marked by exceptional academic achievements, but it was the constant encouragement from my family that kept me going. They taught me that success is defined by strength of character, determination, and the willingness to learn from life’s lessons, rather than by achievements alone.

Life, as I knew it, was soon turned upside down. The first storm of my life struck when I was just 24. My loving father, my best friend, a gentle, quite disciplined, humble, and noble person who had always been the pillar of our family, passed away suddenly from a cardiac arrest at the age of 50. His death left a profound emptiness in my heart and thrust me into a different role at an early age. The grief was overwhelming, and the weight of responsibility seemed unbearable. However, amidst this turmoil, Allah’s mercy was evident. At that time, I had just begun my career as a government employee, which provided some stability in the midst of the turbulence.

Amidst the emotional turmoil, my grandfather, who had always played a pivotal role in managing our family’s affairs alongside my father, stepped forward to offer his guidance and support during this difficult time. A retired government officer and a poet with a deep love for literature, my grandfather became the guiding force in our lives. His wisdom, patience, and compassion gave me the strength to persevere through the darkest days. His unwavering faith in Allah and his ability to see the positive aspect in every situation became the blueprint for how I would approach life’s challenges. May Allah bless his soul eternally.

My educational journey was marked by numerous challenges. I began my schooling at Caset Experimental School in Rainawari and later completed my 10th standard at Green Land High School in Hawal. Following that, I attended Government Higher Secondary School in Soura before enrolling at Gandhi Memorial College in Srinagar. However, life’s circumstances intervened, causing me to discontinue my B.Sc. studies. Despite this setback, I refused to let it define me. Rather than giving up, I viewed it as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow stronger from the experiences life presented.

Determined to continue my education, I enrolled in the Indira Gandhi National Open University (IGNOU), completing my Bachelor’s degree and later pursuing a Postgraduate degree in Public Administration. I also earned a diploma in Journalism from the Institute of Journalism in New Delhi and specialized in Creative Writing from the British Institute of Engineering and Technology in Mumbai. These courses, pursued through distance learning, enabled me to further my education while balancing the demands of work and daily life.

My professional journey began humbly as a casual copyist at Doordarshan Kendra Srinagar, where I developed a deep appreciation for hard work, dedication, and attention to detail. Over time, I joined the Excise and Taxation Department as an executive staff member. Through persistence and dedication, I passed the rigorous exams conducted by the prestigious J&K Public Service Commission, earning promotions and steadily advancing in my career. I qualified for positions such as Sub Inspector and later Inspector, achieving each milestone through unwavering effort and continuous learning.

Yet, beneath the stability of my career, writing remained my true passion. From my college days, I was captivated by the written word. My earliest articles appeared in Greater Kashmir, Kashmir Times, and Mirror of Kashmir. Back then, computers were a rare luxury. I would painstakingly handwrite my articles and deliver them personally to newspaper offices, driven solely by the desire to be heard. Noticing my passion, my grandfather gifted me a Remington typewriter, a priceless companion that allowed me to translate my emotions onto paper. Writing became my refuge, a sanctuary where I could pour my heart out, reflect on life, and connect with others. Though I lack command over English, I try to pen down what my heart feels. Every word comes from my bleeding heart, not polished, but honest and sincere, carrying my memories, emotions, and silent battles.

Amidst the trials and tribulations of life, Allah blessed me with three wonderful children, Arshad, Sarah, and Murshad. They are my lifeline, my pride, my greatest source of joy, and the only reason for my existence. Yet, life has tested me in ways I could never have imagined, and the weight of my pain often bears heavily on my heart. Despite the challenges I face, I remain steadfast in my prayers, trusting that Allah will bring me solace. I hold tightly to my faith, believing that through patience and perseverance, the struggles will eventually bear fruit.

One of the most painful lessons life has taught me is betrayal, the ditching of my only friend. This individual, whom I once considered my confidant, backstabbed me, plunging a sword into my innocent heart. The scars are deep, the wounds still fresh, with blood oozing from the betrayal of my only friend. This one-sided attack, whose reason remains a mystery to me, has been a harsh reminder of life’s uncertainties. Yet, even this treachery failed to shake my resolve to uphold my values. Loyalty, integrity, and honesty are priceless to me, virtues I shall never relinquish, regardless of the cost.

Through it all, my mother Shahida Chishti proves to be my rock. Despite being in her late sixties, her dedication to maintaining the household, her prayers, and her recitations of the Quran are constant reminders of her love. She treats and cares for me and my three lovely children with the same affection and care, she did when I was a child. Her piety, wisdom, and sheer dedication to family inspire me daily. Alhamdulillah, I am grateful to have her by my side, offering positive guidance and love in every moment of difficulty.

As I stand on the threshold of my 49th year, I reflect on the trials, the lessons, and the blessings life has presented. Every grey strand in my hair, every streak in my beard stands as a silent witness to my struggles, perseverance, and unwavering faith. I live for my children now, for they are my lifeline. The betrayals and hardships will forever be a part of my story, but they will never define who I am.
I trust in Allah’s plan, knowing hardships will lead to peace. Guided by faith, I stay strong in my journey. Writing brings meaning, and my children are my greatest treasure. I stand firm in truth, rejecting deceit, and trust that Allah’s plans are for my good. Despite hardship, I hold onto hope for a brighter future. With faith as my anchor, I continue my path, confident that the best is yet to come.

Syed Majid Gilani is a writer who reflects on human emotions, family bonds, moral values, and heartfelt experiences drawn from the rich tapestry of real life. He can be reached at syedmajid6676@gmail.com